Fortitude❰Read❯ ➲ Fortitude Author Apryl E. Pooley – Anchored by ten years of unedited blog and journal entries Fortitude illustrates a real time account of an outwardly successful college student living with secrets of rape childhood molestation a clos Anchored by ten years of unedited blog and journal entries Fortitude illustrates a real time account of an outwardly successful college student living with secrets of rape childhood molestation a closeted lesbian identity PTSD alcoholism addiction eating disorders and suicide attempts In her first year as a neuroscience doctoral student Apryl learned of PTSD as than a military issue which led to her own PTSD diagnosis after nearly a decade of living with the disorder She devoted the remainder of her life’s research to understanding the effects of trauma on the brain but learned that healing from trauma was so much than a scientific experiment Fortitude describes Apryl’s unrelenting attempts to hide her shame by escaping her mind and body only to find that what she needed was to openly share her story and travel deep within herself to find the healing answers that were there all along“It’s easy to compare Pooley’s book to some of the great addiction themed memoirs like “Smashed” “The Basketball Diaries” or “Drinking A Love Story” but Fortitude A PTSD Memoir stands alone for its forthrightness and the author’s scientific bent Her story deserves everyone’s full attention and it definitely deserved a book” –Bill Castanier Lansing City Pulse literary journalist and editor of Mitten Lit blog about Michigan authors. TRIGGER WARNING This memoir contains rape experiences in much detail various types of abuse and addictionFORTITUDE is Apryl Pooley's honest and sobering account of living with PTSD and the shame of rape A good Christian girl Apryl had planned to save herself for marriage She was raped the first time at age 17 waking up in a strange bed in a fraternity house paralyzed from the neck down with no recollection of the previous 16 hours Having taken the abstinence pledge promoted by the sex program at her school which hadn't prepared her or any of her peers for the reality of rape how to respect sexual boundaries and how to say no to sex Apryl took the shame and fault upon her own youthful shouldersShattered by this traumatic loss of innocence and the ensuing ostracization by her peers at school and church Apryl fought to survive and understand what had happened to her outwardly portraying the life of a successful college student while experiencing recurrences of the paralysis struggling through eating disorders drug addiction alcoholism and suicide attempts that dominated her life for the greater part of the decade following her first assault exacerbated when she was raped a second time just two and a half years laterWith candor and aided by ten years of unedited blog and journal entries Apryl details her labyrinthine journey to her discovery as a neuroscience doctoral student that PTSD is than a military issue leading to her own PTSD diagnosis after nearly a decade of living with the disorderBy turns funny heart wrenching angry and contemplative Fortitude is one woman's frank discussion of rape PTSD healing love and new found purpose Highly recommended5 of 5 Stars I knew I was in for a bumpy ride when Apryl Pooley made me cry with her Author's Note right at the beginning of Fortitude A PTSD Memoir It would not be the last time I cried but she also made me smile and laugh and feel such a range of emotions I can never properly describePotential readers should be warned that she does not shy away from a lot of ugly painful truth She describes sexual violence in detail which includes explicit mentioning of intimate body parts She also does not pull punches on describing her own self abuse and how she used drugs and sex to help her cope This is not for the faint hearted It is for everyone wanting to support survivors of sexual trauma and wanting to heal their own painFortitude is not just a recounting of trauma and suffering though We do get to join Apryl Pooley on her path toward healing We are also treated to many wonderful moments as she meets the woman who will become her wife Leaving out many details and in very subtle tones she even gives us a peek into the first time they made love an incredibly beautiful grace note in this sweet song of a bookAfter reading the first self published version of her memoir I set about on my own path of self discovery and healing I didn't think it was possible for her to do better but she very much did I've struggled to write this review because all I really want to do is write Apryl Pooley a thank you note I wish I could write a review that was worthy of this wonderful book but than anything I hope I can convince many people to read Fortitude A PTSD Memoir I was provided with a copy of Fortitude A PTSD Memoir in exchange for an honest review and I will uite frankly say that I had mixed feelings throughout the entire read Since this is a work of non fiction I really wanted to mull over what my thoughts were before completing this review This story begins with a teenage girl growing up in a broken home looking for answers Through spiritual guidance she decides that she wants to take charge of her life and wait until she is married before having sex After a few drinks at a party with some friends one night she is taken advantage of by her best friend’s ex boyfriend This story then continues with all of the struggles including those from sexual abuse emotional abuse addiction and mental illness Her life although she didn’t know it was not overAs I was reading through the first half of this book I was completely and utterly disgusted The trauma of experiencing rape is not unknown to me as I have personally struggled with this as well Much like the author I suffered with the rationalization of guilt pain and confusionbut alcohol was never a part of the euation The alcoholism that is mentioned in this story began before the traumatic rape experience which I am still unable to sympathize with even after finishing the story I still feel that this was purely decision and not a product of mental illness or trauma I do agree that the first rape was a terrible and traumatic experience for anyone to endure one that can cause anyone to fear the opposite sex and become emotionally unstable Again from my personal experience these things were also struggles that I harbored for years but where I was thirteen and attempting to process what was happening to me—this story is about a seventeen year old who is highly intelligent and should have had much of a rational mindset at this age since she was almost an adult Granted we are of different generations since I am now in my late twenties—however the concept is the same Many women are still terrified of coming out and reporting their experiences with rape due to guilt or fear of the unknown After my experience I became anti social which is the complete opposite of the partying lifestyle that Apryl maintained Even though misery comes in different forms the pain is all the same—how we choose to handle it is up to the person and no one else That is something that cannot be taken away no matter how much anyone tries to tell you different Apryl is completely aware of her downward spiral but feels that social acceptance is important that talking to someone for help People that have never gone through an experience like this simply do not understand how emotional unwinding nor deprecating the torment can be Even as I write this review I cannot hold fault to what this woman has faced knowing that my experiences were not exactly like hers I have suffered through physical abuse sexual abuse emotional abuse and a near fatal car accident that than likely could have put me into a PTSD chemically induced mental illness but the method that I chose to deal with it changed my entire life for the better—much earlier in life than Apryl I did not have any spiritual beliefs nor did I care about social acceptance If I had a problem I asked whoever was willing to help me with obtaining a resolution I’ve seen how alcohol can destroy families and individuals; therefore my one experience with it was disastrous and to this day I have never desired the effects of that particular brand of losing my self control Friends will always help you if they are true to your happiness My mother much like Apryl’s father was totally accepting of my feelings and also informed me that I had nothing to be ashamed of The fact that my experience involved a family member also changes the ball field a little bit But honestly my perception of rape was that I lived through it and became stronger I was not weak; therefore I had no desire to take the easy way out and take my own life That would have ending my suffering and Apryl’s suffering with certain finality—but with strength comes the other emotions that no one ever wants to hear about when they are in pain This is something to grieve from like a death of someone loved and then you move on Essentially it is the death of the person you used to be—now resides someone who has scars but an unburdened strength to help others from facing the same struggle The human body and mind is so resilient which is why the disgust originally made me feel like I was drowning Reading the story and not being able to understand why it took so long for an attempt at peace just made me realize that duhI never had PTSD I don’t fully understand what it could do to the brain nor do I have any right to judge how anyone else handles their experiences That is what makes us human the realization that everyone does think differently may react in a much different way and to a much different degree than rationalization would have me believe So with that said—I do give this story five stars because the content is totally credible I mean this woman has some serious strength to tell her story in a fashion which allows anyone to think about her in either a positive or negative way Again I will say that not everyone will understand as I do not understand the mental illness portion Whereas I understand everything else I did still struggle with this read I do highly recommend this book to anyone who is willing to take the challenge Everyone deserves to know what humans are capable of strengths and weaknesses but please know that rape not only happens to women—men do experience these traumatic events as well There was a comment in there that I didn’t approve of when she said that she wished she could have been a man because she wouldn’t have to worry about being victimized by rape It does happen and I do ask that anyone reading this be very mindful to not judge like it is so easy to do—keep in mind that everyone needs help in their lifetime and every experience is not simple but can be very complex and have several layers of emotional binding before happiness can be found Down to the content and writing style itself the five stars does not only include the content and credibility although that does play a major factor toward the rating This story is also very uick in pace which made it easier to read even though some of it was difficult to understand due to content I really loved the raw emotional turmoil that the author reflects in this story I didn’t find many grammatical errors nor did anything cause me to stray away from the read Everything was vivid even though some things were painful to envision than others—my final thought to the author would be that I accept her even after the hardships and the traumatic past that she faced The life that she leads now is encouraging and beautiful no matter sexuality or social acceptance and I am thrilled that she has finally found peace with herself After all the saying goes “you cannot love others without loving yourself first” Love always has an unimaginable way of healing the deepest of wounds Intense doesn't begin to describe my experience with Apryl Pooley's Fortitude Setting forth to read this memoir was difficult for me getting through scenes of sexual violence knowing I could risk triggering myself is something I generally avoid However when I picked up Fortitude I knew the experience would be different because it would help me communicate my own traumaPooley's honesty in sharing her experience sexual abuse rape self harm alcohol and drug abuse to cope is incredibly brave and brutally frank It's also one of the most giving and generous memoirs to experience in that Pooley willingly lays all of her experiences on the table so that other victims and survivors might better understand their own trauma As I read her book processing her life in comparison to my own assault and rape I began to understand my own post trauma actions and responses better I finally had a better context to understand myself in In truth all victimssurvivors process their experiences differently There is no one size fits all PTSD and Pooley doesn't suggest so much This is her own uniue experience after all With that said though it is always a comfort to know we are not alone An absolute life changerI seem to have experienced many things that the author has as well And in some ways I dealt with my guilt hurt and fear the same I didn't learn how to be present and tell myself that it really wasn't my fault up until this year and this book confirms that I am still struggling to legitimize my rape and to stop minimizing it and invalidating it because people have it worse This book has immensely helped me with my journey I feel a stronger after reading it and throughout the book due to the authors insight vulnerability passion and validation So strong in fact that I couldn't help but validate my own experiences I understand that you've heard this many times but every time someone tells me this it build me up just a tad bit It not your fault Apryl it's not the survivor's fault and it sure as hell isn't mine either

Paperback  ✓ Fortitude Epub ¼
  • Paperback
  • 260 pages
  • Fortitude
  • Apryl E. Pooley
  • English
  • 28 July 2014
  • 9781513704456