Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors[PDF] ✩ Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors Author Heather T. Forbes – Heather T Forbes and B Bryan Post address some of the most pressing and challenging issues faced by parents of children with histories of disrupted attachments The authors have the ability to strip aw Heather T Forbes and B Bryan Logic, and MOBI î Post address some of the most pressing and challenging issues faced by parents of children with Beyond Consequences, PDF \ histories of disrupted attachments The authors have the ability to strip away the fog surrounding these troubled relationships exposing the reality of children's Consequences, Logic, and PDF/EPUB » reactions and dysregulated responses to the past traumatic experiences that so often underlie their difficulty in making close affectional bonds This clarity illuminates Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Epub / their therapeutic intervention in a manner that allows parent and child to hold onto the strategy as they are caught up in the whirlwind of challenging behavior during the painful process of change The authors address in detail the child's trauma often associated with the adoption process and they also address the painful struggle of the parents when a challenging child exposes the parents' own vulnerabilities to memories that they may have suppressed of their own past experiences The immense value of this book is the clarity and simplicity of the authors' working model; the price of this clarity is that the hard truth is exposed with such intensity that some may shy away from facing reality and not benefit from their undoubted insights The psychotherapeutic intervention described by the authors involves clinicians tapping into their own empathic capacities to help children feel supported to such a degree that a direct connection can be forged between the reality of children's traumatic experiences Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Epub / and the parents andor clinicians being able to tolerate their pain and so regulate the child's distress down to a manageable level The recognition that another person can truly understand and tolerate their pain can be a major contribution to the client's therapeutic outcome This book is an absolute necessity for every parent working through attachment issues and for every professional therapist caseworker teacher policy maker etc working with children who exhibit severe acting out behaviors. I stopped reading after the first two chapters I was turned off the the unsupportable generalizations the author kept making I was hoping to get great ideas for raising kids who don't have the severe attachment problems but they aren't the real target of this bookThe first key principle in the book is that All negative behavior arises from an unconscious fear based state of stress The second key principle is There are only two primary emotions Love and fear Because I couldn't accept these generalizations after reading the chapters that support them I gave up on the book The assertions about neuroscience also didn't jive with the stuff I was hearing from neurologists on things like The Brain Science Podcast For example the authors state We never lose a single memory Our memories get stored away in the filing cabinet of our mind when they are no longer needed and can then be recalled when necessary As I understand it this is REALLY wrong Our memories are hugely fallible Not only that but each time we replay a memory we alter it This has been demonstrated in many experiments The authors embed this sort of claim in the midst of a discussion of brain anatomy which makes it sounds like they are really well informed But it sounds like their information isn't up to date with the current research I had a friend who was really impressed by the book I really respect her opinion which is why I purchased the book to read it Instead I would recommend that you read something like Bonds that make us free by C Terry Warner I really like the way he explains the power of personal relationships and how seeing other people as objects or obstacles will harm our ability to influence them Interestingly this book has a cool copyright grant Permissions provided for any or all parts of this book to be reproduced for a loving cause Reproductions of this book are not to be sold and may only be given free of charge This is an amazing book I highly recommend it to any parent but particularly to parents of challenging children andor children who have been adopted later than infancy Having a daughter adopted from an orphanage at age 4 and a foster daughter who was a street child for 6 years in an orphanage for 8 years and in a failed adoption for a year and who obviously has reactive attachment disorder as a result I have personally experienced many of the principles in this book as effective I am amazed by the kind Christian attitude this book presents toward these children and the Biblical philosophy towards their intrinsic value and the gospel principles that will heal them Of course no one is beyond hope But this book is the first to make it seem really possible Great book for parents deal with attachment challenged children Chapters cover lying stealing hoarding gorging aggression and lack of eye contact We haven't dealt with the aggression part but everything else has definitely been an issue in our adoption I only wish I had read this earlier The concepts are simple and based on love I'm not sure that Goodreads is the place to get all spiritual but let's just say that this book was placed in my hands and read in a timely fashion through undeniable divine intervention It was a direct answer to several months a heartfelt prayer and It Has Changed My Life EXCLAMATION POINT I look at my current situation with my adopted girls in a whole new light now and feel completely empowered to know how to handle their extreme behaviors and my reactions to them Now I just need to practice and forgive myself when things don't go perfectly because they won'tand that's okay This book is a must read for parents of traumatized children andor those with severe behaviors ie lying stealing hoarding and gorging aggression defiance lack of eye contact and attachment disorders So so so grateful for this book This is a useful book for working withparenting children people who have suffered trauma early on As as result they have what is now termed reactive attachment disorder All kinds of severe behavior can result grinding down parents staff teachersand putting the very reassurance and safety these kids crave at risk Brain research is used to understand what happens when a child's life is threatened What I like most about this approach is the understanding that underlying extreme behavior such as aggression stealing lying hoarding etc is fear Understanding that helps calm one which in turn helps the child calm regulate hisher nervous system For these kids exerting power and dominance only makes them fearful Good insight I liked the love not fear based approach Written for severe behaviors but good applications for any parent I think the authors should write one for marriage The thing that shocked me the most were some of the other theories and practices commonly used today No kids yet but in the process of adopting an older child from foster care I think this book will prove itself invaluable for dealing with the stuff she comes with Solike are all parenting books a mixed bag of brilliance and hot garbage? Because I think that's the case I really enjoyed the first section of this book which explains the stress model and its principles I find that thinking of all behaviors as deriving from either love or a fear a really useful tool for guiding parenting with compassion and not letting my own ego get in the way of what the child needs It's a useful thought experiment if you will I did not enjoy the second section of this book which goes through various bad behaviors and walks through how to handle them The anecdotes did not feel believable and I felt they relied too heavily on the parents suddenly remembering their own childhood trauma Also nobody should EVER BOTTLE FEED THEIR TEENAGE CHILDREN Let me repeat DO NOT BOTTLE FEED YOUR TEENAGER This is not a way to form attachment This is a way to look like a sexual deviant Sheesh The third section of this book redeemed it somewhat Real life stories from real life parents were much believable and honestly soothing for a non parent like me It's good to know some of these behaviors can be overcome Good recommendation for foster parentsI read this book because it was recommended reading on a booklist for foster parents I loved what it said I feel it is paradigm shifting for me and will refer back to it I tried some of the stuff she suggested today with my own kids and I felt calm when dealing with them which was empowering I'll try to remember to edit this review as I see how these ideas play out in the long term 25 stars This book is definitely a mixed bag and my rating might be generous The authors present suggestions for dealing with children who act out due to past trauma and if the testimonies are real these suggestions seem to make a real difference in many families The difficulty is that they can't just say This works; just trust us They try to back it up with pseudoscience and oversimplifications of how the brain works I almost abandoned this book after the first couple of chapters because of the terrible presentation of the research on brain structure and functioning not to mention the atrocious lack of editing I suggest skipping over that first part and going right to the sections on specific issues and suggested approachesTheir examples came across a bit overly optimistic at times as if a chronically defiant child is going to comply the first time he's approached the right way but I think their general framework is a good one and worth a try if you're experiencing the problems they address I do think their portrayal of the traditional view in attachment therapy is a bit of a straw man sometimes — maybe it reflects some therapists' perspectives but it's a bit extreme to represent all of them — but I suppose if their approach works it doesn't matter as much if they wrongly vilify the alternativesI don't know if we'll adopt older kids in the future but I think it's helpful to know that this approach is out there Even with our son now I'll be asking myself if his negative behaviors could be coming from a place of fear before automatically implementing conseuences for them

Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based
  • Paperback
  • 152 pages
  • Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors
  • Heather T. Forbes
  • English
  • 08 November 2014
  • 9780977704002